A review of day three of the third Ashes Test of the 1981 series at Headingley, written from the perspective of an English cricket fan at the time.
Sunday July 19
Australia 401/9d (Dyson 102, Hughes 89, Botham 6/95)
England 174 (Botham 50, Lillee 4/49)
England f/o 6/1 (Lillee 1/4)
Pathetic. Pitiful. Spineless. Feeble. Woeful. Deplorable. Lamentable. Wretched. Contemptible. Despicable. Mournful. Harrowing. Mortifying. These are some of the polite words I found in my thesaurus to describe that England batting display yesterday.
You can probably handle losing to Australia if the team showed a tiny bit of fight. Yet what we witnessed yesterday was a staggering display of ineptitude in both technique and heart. Only Ian Botham came out of the episode with any credit on a day of despair.
Perhaps I'm being harsh on England's batsmen? Maybe if they had been facing our bowlers on this pitch then they would have thrived just like Dyson, Hughes and Yallop. Because in 50.5 overs of our first innings, the Australian trio of pace bowlers showed this pitch up for what it is.
There were some poor shots amongst some top quality bowling. Gooch played around a straight delivery from the dangerous Alderman, for some reason trying to whip a shot across to the leg side. On such solid foundations the innings was doomed to failure.
Brearley received a fine ball from Alderman, the bowler taking to Test cricket like a duck to water. Lawson looked lively throughout, and he brought a stunned silence to the ground when he bowled Boycott. "England are in a bit of trouble here to put it mildly," commentator Christopher Martin-Jenkins noted, as we slumped to 42/3.
Gower and Gatting briefly threatened to get things back on track, but even in their whopping partnership of 42 the Australians dropped two chances. England's disease must be catching, if that is possible. The pair departed quickly, Gower to a nasty Lawson delivery, and Gatting inevitably trapped lbw. At 87/5 the innings had gone beyond the state of collapse.
Willey's dismissal emphasised the difference in the bowling attacks. Two short deliveries from Lawson was followed by a fuller ball that bowled England's No. 6. It's almost as if the Australian bowlers think on their feet and work to plans.
There was one ray of light during the carnage. Botham had obviously read the pitch and the match situation, correctly assuming that at some point there would be a ball with his name on it. His first 50 since his first match as captain came off just 54 balls, including eight fours, as he tried his best to drag us to the magical mark of 202.
Taylor poorly wafted behind to add another entry to the Marsh/Lillee catalogue, and when Beefy received a snorter from the same bowler it was apt that Marsh broke the record for wicketkeeping dismissals off his old mate. Two more wickets and only eight more runs saw England subside to a sorry 174 all out, as Hughes naturally enforced the follow-on.
And there's more, to use the catchphrase of Jimmy Cricket. Just when you thought things could not get any worse there was time for a final dig in the ribs. Lillee took another wicket, with Gooch achieving a notable feat in being dismissed twice in a day. England ended 6/1 or minus 221/1 if you like. Luckily bad light rescued us.
I say luckily. I do feel for the spectators in the ground who once again were short changed after two umpires called play off in sunshine just before six. Cricket really does not help itself at times. It was little wonder that some fans argued with umpire Barrie Meyer at close of play and that others threw cushions on to the pitch.
People are struggling financially at the moment, so paying decent money for a day at a Test match and seeing play curtailed in reasonable conditions is infuriating. If this kind of thing continues, and England keep batting as they did yesterday, then the powers-that-be will have their just deserts when grounds are empty.
Can I end this depressing piece with any optimism? No, sorry. I would love to be positive and state that somehow England can get out of Headingley 1-0 down. But based on yesterday there is more hope of me marrying Bo Derek than England getting out of this fine mess. Pray for rain. Without it there is little hope. At some point on Monday the Ashes will be done and dusted.
What the papers said...
Robin Marlar, Sunday Times: "For Lillee and Lawson, quicker than Alderman, the pitch occasionally offered an even bigger degree of devilry to bowlers who were prepared to slip themselves, hit the deck and force the batsmen to play."
What they said...
Kim Hughes: "If we bowl the right line and length on Monday then they won't get any more runs than they did in the first innings. And if we win this game, then we'll be taking the Ashes home."
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