1985/86: West Ham v Newcastle United

Normally if a football team concedes eight goals or more the inquests begin immediately. The players are a disgrace, the manager needs to go, sack the board; these are a few of the responses we would usually expect to hear from disgruntled supporters. But sometimes things can escalate that are beyond the control of players or a manager. Newcastle's eight goal hammering at West Ham in April 1986 was one such example of this.

The seeds of Newcastle's destruction were planted on the opposite side of London two days before. Goalkeeper David McKellar, on loan from Hibernian, performed admirably during a 1-1 draw at Chelsea, a result that put a huge dent in the title hopes of the home team. But a hip injury picked up in the match saw McKellar ruled out of the trip to Upton Park.

Manager Willie McFaul was now facing a selection headache in the same position he used to occupy for Newcastle in his playing days. McKellar had been playing because regular keeper Martin Thomas was absent due to a shoulder injury. With no other options available, McFaul was forced to pick Thomas even though he was blatantly unfit.

Facing John Lyall's West Ham during the 85/86 season with a fully fit goalkeeper would have been hard enough. Two days prior to the trouncing of Newcastle, the deadly strike duo of Tony Cottee and Frank McAvennie scored in a 2-0 win at Watford, their 23rd and 26th goals of the season respectively.

Having lost their previous home league match to Chelsea, the victory at Vicarage Road handed West Ham a boost as they attempted to stay in the title race with Liverpool and Everton. Ten points behind Liverpool with three games in hand, dropping points against Newcastle simply wasn't an option.

Win they did. But that evening in east London was far from ordinary. Scoring eight goals in a league fixture was remarkable enough; the last time West Ham achieved this feat was in 1968 when Geoff Hurst scored six in an 8-0 win over Sunderland. The twist in the tale would come courtesy of a centre back who was destined to be featured in many a football quiz henceforth.

West Ham skipper Alvin Martin was not a goal scoring centre half in the mould of Derek Mountfield. He did score a crucial goal in a 1-0 win over Southampton at the start of April, but the only time in his career that Martin had scored twice in a match was against Coventry in November 1981. But April 21, 1986 was to be a notable day for Martin and the 24,735 present.

David Lacey, writing in his Guardian preview, identified that there may be trouble ahead for McFaul’s team. "Newcastle visit Upton Park this evening and if their defence repeats its sluggish performance of the first half [against Chelsea] West Ham should net a shoal of goals." The visitors were hardly helped when the gamble over Thomas' selection backfired.

Thomas could do little about Martin's opener, a right-footed volley from close range that started the carnage in the 4th minute. But it was clear to all that the keeper was suffering. "I had to play tonight because David McKellar bruised a hip on Saturday and was worse than me," Thomas admitted. "My arm went again early on and it was just hopeless." 

 

 

Unable to catch a Ray Stewart cross in the 12th minute, Thomas must have wanted a hole to swallow him up as the ball crossed the line. Worse was to follow 25 minutes later when a Neil Orr long range drive went through his hands. Thomas laid on his back, revealing both the state of his mind and body.  

Another man to experience a difficult evening was Glenn Roeder. A self-proclaimed West Ham fan, Newcastle's skipper had predicted a tough assignment before the match. "They have been playing some great football and it won't be easy to stop them," Roeder said. When he somehow backheeled an effort past Thomas shortly before the break, Newcastle's nightmare was spiralling.

Things Can Only Get Better may be a firm belief of D:Ream. But Murphy's Law was one that applied to Newcastle that night. With Thomas unable to take any further part in the match, 22-year-old centre back Chris Hedworth took possession of the goalkeeper's jersey and gloves. It would be a painful twenty minutes.

After falling awkwardly when contesting for the ball with Cottee, Hedworth bravely continued, even though it was later revealed that he had dislocated his collarbone. Hedworth was fighting a losing battle, and despite saving well from Cottee, he was unable to keep out a Martin header from a corner.  

Goalkeeper number three, please. England forward Peter Beardsley was the next to volunteer his services, as Hedworth inevitably could not continue, and although he tried to play as a left-winger to ensure Newcastle still had eleven players on the pitch (in an era of just one substitute), Hedworth had to admit defeat. He would never play for Newcastle again.

There was at least something for the visiting fans to cheer, as Billy Whitehurst managed to grab a consolation goal. But although Beardsley would earn plaudits for some fine saves, he would be beaten three times in a five-minute period to complete West Ham's eight-goal demolition job.

Substitute Paul Goddard scored with his first touch and McAvennie headed a seventh, before Martin's moment in sporting trivia was guaranteed. After Roeder was harshly penalized for handball in the penalty area, Martin claimed his hat-trick, scoring past three different goalkeepers in the process.  

Michael Calvin's verdict in the Telegraph indicated that Newcastle had been "overwhelmed by an unforgettable blend of enthralling football and wretched misfortune." Certainly, a confident West Ham team sensed blood against a vulnerable opponent. "They flew at Newcastle from the kick-off with the fury of a fighter desperate to finish the job," Clive White wrote in the Times.

The win put West Ham seven points behind leaders Liverpool with two games in hand, as discussions of a three-way battle for the title resumed. "After we lost at home to Chelsea people said we were out of it, but the lads have bounced back," Lyall stated. With five games to play in ten days at the end of a long season, there was hope.

Ultimately 'The Boys of 86' would fall just short. West Ham did win their next four fixtures after Martin's match, yet by the time they lost at Everton on the final day of the season, Liverpool had already wrapped up the first part of their double. But what memories Lyall and his players provided.

Martin may have gone through the disappointment of just missing out on the title. But his 1985/86 season did end on a high when he made Bobby Robson's England squad for the World Cup in Mexico. He would play in the second round win over Paraguay, a match in which Beardsley scored England's second goal.

But that wasn't the most memorable fixture to feature Martin and Beardsley in 1986. World Cup knockout ties are all well and good but scoring a hat-trick past three different keepers in a match makes an imprint on the brain. I'm sure Martin was very keen to bring up the subject with Beardsley at every opportunity in Mexico.