1980s: All I Want For Christmas Is....

Is it just me, or does it become harder as the years go by to come up with ideas for Christmas gifts for yourself? Every year my wife mentions that I need to produce a Christmas list for the family, and my mind goes blank, as I struggle to think of anything that I need (bar socks).

It's not like that during your childhood, especially if you were lucky enough to grow up in the 80s. There were plenty of videos, records/tapes/CDs, and computer games to choose from, as the Woolworths and WH Smiths catalogues were scanned in great detail.

And then there was the magic of the Argos catalogue. Picking up one of those bad boys and compiling a Christmas list from the many products displayed was a joy. Thanks to the legends at Retromash, I've been able to visit old Argos catalogues and party like it's 1985 again. 

Below are some of the gifts my parents were kind enough to buy me for Christmas, and a couple that got away. Maybe I should add the presents I didn't receive to my current list? 

Scalextric

It's funny how many of the presents purchased for me ended up being used mainly by my dad. I hardly saw that Rubik's Cube I received for one of my birthdays, and my dad ensured that my Scalextric set got a lot of use.

In truth, I can see why my dad wanted to introduce Scalextric into the house. It was an exhilarating experience for a 1980s child. And we had the set with the Tyrrell P34 (Project 34) six-wheel car. I'll never forget the smell of those controls and burning wire wool, along with the thrill of seeing a car fly from the track.

Snooker table

I could have been a contender. When the 4ft x 2ft snooker table was unwrapped and assembled one Christmas, I spent hours practising, the start of my inevitable journey to being crowned World Snooker Champion, probably in 1993.

Inevitably the initial excitement faded, and the table would be tucked away under my bed until April. Every year it would make a reappearance for the two weeks at Sheffield, when I donned a pair of smart shoes in tribute to Joe Johnson and tried my best to construct a frame-winning break. 

My wife sat me down one day at the start of the 21st century and said maybe it was time to let it go. The table went to the tip and the dream was over.

Test Match

A cricket game for all the family, with a picture of Ian Botham and David Gower on the lid. Yes please. Along with Owzthat, this game was an essential for any young cricket enthusiast. Roll the ball down the bowler's chute - with a late bit of outswing/inswing - and watch the stumps rattle or one of the brilliantly placed fielders clutch the ball between their feet.

Sadly, if there wasn't someone in the house that could be trusted with an iron then sometimes the game would prove frustrating if your pitch developed a ridge the relative size of Olympus Mons. But the Subbuteo of the cricketing world was a fine game.

Football goal

Sometimes it's best to leave bad memories buried away. Every year I would ask for a football goal to use in the garden, but for some reason Father Christmas decided that I hadn't been good enough to find this under the tree.

Perhaps my parents decided that their garden had been ruined enough without encouraging me to destroy their flowers with some more of my inaccurate shooting? Maybe they thought I might break the frame/net with my occasional thunderbastards? Either way, we still laugh about this now. Well, they do.

A Question of Sport board game

It was easy to get your hopes up about a potential Christmas gift, but when a present did meet your high expectations then it was a huge bonus. The Question of Sport board game was an ideal gift for a young sports nerd like me, and it didn't disappoint.

Complete with scoreboards, picture boards, home and away, what happened next and one minute round questions, I just couldn't get enough, to slightly misquote Depeche Mode. The problem was, no one likes a smart arse; my dad would often refuse to play me, in much the same way as I now decline invitations to take on my son at FIFA.

Head bag

All the cool kids (and me) just had to own a Head sports bag. That detachable section at the end of the bag, the memorable HEAD zip pull, the locks, and the identity tags. And they would make ideal goalposts too for games of football on the playground.

Swingball

A game that would enable you to let go of any pent-up aggression, Swingball was a common site in gardens and campsites during the summer months. Standing toe to toe with your opponent, back and forth you would go, swinging yourself off your feet and trying to avoid decapitation/strangulation.

The death rattle would signify the end of the game, allowing celebrations or sulking to begin. We bought this for our children too, but that was one of the models where you put water in the base, and I could never get on with that. And the pole bent eventually. They don't make things like they used to.

Evil Knievel

File this one under another that slipped through the net. A few of my friends owned the Evil Knievel toy which allowed you to create your own stunts with the famous dare devil. Construct your ramp, wind up that wheel, and wait for the crash.

Maybe my parents figured that I had ready access to this toy via my friends, and decided to spend their hard-earned money on a present that would not smash through any glass in our doors at the bottom of the stairs?

Trevor Francis Electronic Striker

To be honest, I didn't ask for this. Yet it soon became a favourite of mine and I would spend hours trying to defeat the computer. Obviously it would look a tad dated now, and children today would probably laugh at the basic nature of the game. It was unlike anything I'd seen before, though.

The 3-1-3-3 formation may have not been my preferred option, but pressing the defence button until you broke your thumb would guarantee keeping things tight at the back, and heaven help the computer when my quick passing/shooting fingers got to work. I'm off to investigate whether I still have this game in a box in the loft.

Putting machine

I was lucky that our kitchen carpet was an exact replica of the greens at Augusta (honestly), so using the "Nice Putt" putting machine gave me the chance to hone my skills ahead of my bid for the US Masters (probably in the year after I won at the Crucible).

Hour upon hour I would spend knocking balls towards the little ramp, waiting for the whirring noise that would mean my ball was soon to be returned to me with force. Yes, I may have tried putting satsumas and other food items on the ball sensor. But as a value for money gift it was right up there, and my putting improved no end. Shame about the rest of my game really.